Peer Review Post (paper 3)

Alexis,

Great work on your essay! I really liked how you incorporated pictures of you and your family. I think it brings a very personal touch to your essay. This was a good use of the visual multimodal. I also feel like you used the spacial mode very well when you bolded, underlines, and increased the font of certain words that were important to your essay. It definitely caught my eye and I immediately noticed that this sentence is important and I should make sure I read it. As I began reading your essay, I noticed you began writing about your backstory and where you lived as a child. I feel like this is definitely something you should share with your reader, but I feel like adding a hook or a couple sentences as an intro before that might give your audience more information as to why you are explaining your background. I also liked your use of questions in your writing. It made me think! Lastly, I would advise you to make sure you introduce the authors used in your essay before you use the quote. Well done!

Jeremy,

Great job on your essay! I like the path you are taking! I think starting your essay with a question is a very good choice because it immediately makes the reader think. Having a piece of writing that connects to the reader makes the audience feel they can relate to the text. I also liked how you clearly stated your views on your topic. It is obvious to the reader and you analyzed your side of the argument very well. Your transitions into each topic worked very well with your essay. One thing I would advise you to do would be to make sure your topics are not repeating. I feel like your body paragraphs are a little similar. My idea is that you could make the similar body paragraphs into a Barclay paragraph, so it isn’t as repetitive. I would also advise you to add one more multimodal element. I was thinking that bolding specific words that are important to your essay’s topic might be a good start because it would emphasize what is important.