When most people think of metaphor, they interpret metaphor as a way to understand a concept. According to James Geary, metaphors are a way of understanding the world around us. While this might seem strange, Geary says “metaphorical thinking is essential to how we understand ourselves and others, how we communicate, learn, discover and invent” (1). One place this is particularly important is in the medical field.
In recent discussion of how we experience our health, a controversial issue has been whether metaphor should be used to help doctors communicate with patients. On the one hand, some doctors argue that metaphor is a mode of communication to patients. From this perspective, communication between patients has become more clear and the patients have understood the disease. On the other hand, however, others argue that metaphor harms the patients more than it helps them feel better. In the words of Khullar, one of this view’s main proponents, “using military terms like battle or fighter to help patients conceptualize their illness can sometimes harm more than it helps” (1). According to this view, metaphor should not be used in the medical field, as it pressures the patient to win the war against the illness. In sum, then, the issue is whether metaphor should be used in medicine or not.
My own view is that doctors should use metaphors to communicate with patients and families because metaphors help patients and families understand what they are going through, but doctors should be more selective and use ones that are helpful, without causing harm to the patient.
second draft of the intro paragraph:
Many have found that metaphor allows for a clearer understanding of a particular topic. Metaphor allows others to dig more deeply into an argument and expand upon a reasoning. It has many purposes and meanings in life and is seen as a pathway to clarity. A recent argument came about and questioned whether metaphor should be used in the medical field. Reasoning behind this ensures proper and clear communication between a doctor and a patient, a important aspect some might not understand without metaphor. I believe metaphor matters to the lives and mental health of patients. If the patients understand the disease and trust the doctors, the patient will have a better experience as they continue to work with doctors to overcome a disease. The use of metaphor in the medical field helps ease the communication between patients and doctors due to the purpose of a metaphor.
One aspect in your first draft of the intro paragraph that worked really well was that it caught my attention immediately. This was because I easily understood what you said, and wanted to continue reading more. One thing that could be stronger is getting the reader’s attention in the second draft. It did not catch me as well as the first draft did.
I enjoyed how overall in your first intro paragraph attempt you flowed through every topic nicely, included small details of evidence.
One thing you should focus on is your thesis statement, I’m not sure if I missed it or not but it is a very important structure! Also, if you plan to use your second attempt, catch the readers attention a bit more in your first few sentences.